Friday, January 22, 2010

How does telling someone about the dark side of me help get rid of them?

Part of working a recovery program is the learned ability to be completely honest.  The fourth principle in Celebrate Recovery states, " Openly examine and confess my faults to God, to myself, and another person whom I trust."

While I have worked this principle many times, it is amazing to me how hard it can be...even after lots of practice.

To openly examine my faults is take this thing called a Moral inventory.  In this inventory I am expected to recall all the good and bad of my life thus far.  People I've hurt, people that have hurt me, things I've done that I'm not so proud of and things I've done that I am proud for.  It's an arduous process....but as I've traveled my road to recovery I realize the reason for it.

I'm an expert at forgetter works overtime.  I can easily get myself to cover over things I've done and forget about them.  I can easily say, "it doesn't matter" when someone hurts me and forget about it...and so on.  But here's the thing - I don't really forget about them...I just bury them so I can't see them anymore.  Their not glaring in front of my face, but they are eating away at my insides.  Not good.

So to get these things out on paper and list them...I'm  un-burying those hurts, guilt and shame.  I'm getting them out of my insides...a hurt, hang-up, habit biopsy.  I'm getting them out on paper so I can see them again and deal with a healthy way...not just overworking my forgetter.,

But then the principle requires me to admit them to someone I trust, myself and God.  I was okay with the writing them down, and essentially admitting them to myself,...I was even ok with the admitting them to God (He knows about them anyhow)...but someone I trust?  I don't think I trust anyone THAT much.
So my first inclination was to admit the small stuff...maybe even a few of the big things...but not everything...bad mistake.  By leaving those big secrets inside...they became more ravenous...I was constantly reliving them...knowing that I needed to tell someone, but someone?

So I did it again...this time releasing everything...scary, yes...worth it, yes.  To come clean from all those things that had been eating at me for years was the best medicine.  I was able to figure out that I'm not alone...that someone understood, that someone may even share the same struggle.  I made a connection and through that connection I got closer to God.  Wow...who woulda thunk.

If someone reviews the 12 steps of AA, it has to be recognized that none of the steps begin with I.  They all begin with we.  We were meant to help each other and pray for other and confess our sins to one another.  Look at James 5:16, "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed." (James 5:16, NIV)
God has the answer...He told us what to do right here.

So my answer to the question, "How does telling someone about the dark side of me help get rid of them?"
It gets it out of our head
It helps us make a connection and learn trust
God tells us to.

Thanks for letting me share.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Why do we try to close the door on God?

Proverbs 15:3 The eyes of the LORD are everywhere, keeping watch on the wicked and the good.

This is a pretty "duh" statement if you're a believer in Jesus why is it so easy for us to forget.  If you had a childhood like mine you might have run up against this scenario.

You're at a friends house always address the parents as Mr. and Mrs whatever.  You use your best manners that were taught at home.  Saying Please or No thank you.  Your kind, calm and the report that gets back to your parents?  Little Joey is such a pleasure to have at our house.

And your parents are looking at you and wondering:  Are they talking about the same kid? The same kid that won't eat his broccoli?... the same kid who begrudgingly maybe does his chores?  The same kid whose mouth is wicked when dealing with his brothers and sisters?

Do you think that's what God sees with us now?  In His house, in front of Christian friends, we look spiritual...we talk the talk...we may even walk the walk....proud of what good Christians we are.  But when we get home we're different.  We don't talk to God as we should.  We're stuck in our hurts, hang-ups and habits and acting out in our behaviors.  We do things behind closed doors when we're alone differently then we do when we think people are watching.  But why?  Why is it so easy for us to backslide, to sin, to act out, to treat each other badly when we think God's not watching?  Do we really believe that if we close our door (mentally or physically) that god stops watching?  

It's obvious that He doesn' how do we unreasonably reason with ourselves that He does?  So here's the thing.  God doesn't stop watching and to stay in constant contact with Him we have to do a few things:
1) Pray continuously...not over and over...just talk to Him.  I like the two minute to God the first two minutes you do anything...first two minutes of waking...first two minutes in the car....first two minutes at get the idea.
2) if we are constantly talking to God we figure out a few things:  He doesn't stop watching but He cares what we're going through and He will help.  He doesn't ignore our temptation but gives us an out.  He loves us even though we may try to close the door on Him. He shows us grace when we come back in repentance and loves us no less.

Our God is a great god. Talk to Him...Get to know Him...Stop closing the door on Him.  Remember when we feel far from is us, not Him, who moved.

Thanks for letting me share.